by Brunehilda Puddleduck

I have something to say. You won’t like it but I’ll say it anyway. It’s about love. Love for another human being can be bad sometimes. There, now I’ve said it! I know, readers, it is not like me to say such cruel things about something so positive and so pure. But listen to my story and perhaps you shall be able to forgive me.

It all happened when I was sitting on the corner of my bed with the Sun resting her head on my shoulder. The day was more beautiful than a Unicorn, I was reading silent teachings to myself and touching the everlasting presence of life when I heard the terrible, terrible news that a little girl, of human flesh and blood, had been raped by a bouncer. And I cried. I cried and I cried. Do you know why I cried? I imagined the pain that the little girl went through. I felt it right the way down to my womb where one day I will grow some little pixies of my own. I did not only cry for her, I also cried for the poor wretch who entered her vaginal walls. I cried because I knew, I knew in my heart that he had been lead by his tom-tom into committing this lewd act. Did he ask Destiny to be attached to the dangerous torch of the dark side, which promises satisfaction but in actual fact leads men down the corridor of doom? My tears for this poor boy were more heart felt and saltier than even those for my sister. Do you know why I cried so? It was because of Love, my deep love for humanity. It was due to my overwhelming kindness that I belly-flopped into the deep waters of despair. Now I hope you can understand why I swore so viciously at the beginning of this article. Love had made me suffer so.

At least she got some, though. I’ve been down the Magpie and Stump most evenings in the last few months and haven’t even had as much as a blowjob.