Methane - probably everywhere
Tony Blair announces plans to cut methane emissions by 10% by 2012.
The plans come after the publication of a scientific report on Greenhouse Gases which names methane as a most harmful emission.
The Prime Minister said in his speech from the CBI Conference yesterday, “Global Warming is a serious issue and some radical plans are necessary to keep methane out of the atmosphere.”
“Canisters would be provided to every home and public place where people could dispose of their gaseous waste cleanly and efficiently without any damage to the environment. I want to create a society where it is acceptable to fart into canisters in public without fear of recrimination.” He continued, “Methane’s half-life is a mere ten years. During this short time the canisters would be stored in a safe place under tight security.”
But Green activists are not happy with the plans. Badger Tiffy said angrily from his home up a tree, “The dumps would be obvious targets for terrorists. Just one lit match could do untold damage. What’s more, the half-life of methane is hugely variable. Tara Palmer Tomkinson’s flatulence is far safer than, say, John Prescott’s, whose emissions have a half-life of well over 3 million years.”